Snippets

On Life:

“Life throws you curve balls, but when you’re a puppy, you just fetch.”

(Love that girl!)

On Messing with Me:

Picture the 13-year-old boy dressed up for the holiday party starting in 10 minutes, running with an open bag full of ice and dumping it into an ice bucket from about 4 feet away.

I think he just wanted to see if he could THROW it into the ice bucket. Needless to say, it didn’t work.

Now picture the boy on hands and knees trying to pick up each individual ice cube with his fingers from the white tiled floor.

“Nope, can’t quite get them, they are too slippery and now they’re melting,” he says as he looks around helplessly. (Paper towel, anyone?)

The 13 year old is filling out high school applications.

Describe your family.

“I have an Uncle Lou, a 6”pink bear, who loves to ride jet skis and drinks moonshine.”

Yup, he totally did it last week. Seriously, not kidding. Good thing I was paying attention.

On Coordination:

“You can barely get your hands to work, there is no way you can draw this picture,” says the 11 year old to her older brother.

“When the coat rack falls on you in the middle of the party because you tried to do a lay-up with one of the coats, don’t scream for me. Just pick yourself up and dust off the coats.” I say to the 13 year old.

On Magic:

“I know that Santa is real, I just don’t think he can make it to everyone’s house in one night. That’s why parents have to give presents to the kids. But I know he lives on the North Pole with all of his elf and reindeer friends.”

(Last year’s proclamation by the then 10 year old.)

On Reggae:

My husband Greg makes breakfast on weekends and loves to listen to reggae with the kids.

When asked by his younger sister how he knows all of the words to the songs, the 13 year old responds, “I just say vowels in my Lilo and Stitch voice and every once in a while, shout out an A.”

On Adolescence:

When the younger sister observes her older brother’s snarkiness, she looks at me, gives me a hug and says, “I apologize for my future self.”

On Sex:

“I just threw up a little bit in my head,” says the boy as I respond to the question, “Do you and Dad still have sex?”

“Tell me again what a blow job is. I forget,” asks the little Daddy’s girl, apropos of nothing, as she is sitting next to her Dad while watching the Elf movie.

You just have to wonder what goes on in their heads….